Unzipped
by garfieldodie
Summary: After losing his History Report in it, Calvin and Hobbes crawl into the backpack in search of it, and find themselves in an interestingly built new world! COMPLETE!
1. The Report of Fate

Calvin was frantically looking up at the clock in hopes that the class would be over soon. History was the last class of the day, and Calvin was looking forward to the latest issue of Captain Napalm when he got home. So far, no homework had been assigned, and it looked like the weekend would be clear.

His hopes were dashed when Miss Wormwood uttered those faithful words: "Now here's your assignment."

There was a loud _WHUMP_ from the middle of the room. It was Calvin's head crashing into the desk.

"You will have to write a page long report about the Byzantine Empire. It must be spell-checked, neatly written in pen and your sources must be cited. It is due this Monday."

With the exception of Susie, everyone in the classroom groaned.

The bell rang, indicating it was time to start working on it.

Calvin zipped out of the room.

Calvin sat angrily on his seat at the bus. Susie was sitting next to him because there was nowhere else to sit.

"I hate Miss Wormwood. Why does she give us homework at the most inopportune times? This is supposed to be a gorgeous weekend! It's not fair."

"The world isn't fair," said Susie.

"No, the world is arbitrary. You're either with it, or you're not. Which side are you on?"

Susie sat there, trying to figure out what had just been said here.

"Calvin, this report is worth forty percent of our history grade. If we don't get at least a B on it, we'll flunk and go back to Kindergarten." A smug look crossed her face. "Of course, _I_ won't have to worry. I always get the best grades."

Calvin snorted. "I'll have you know that I'm _way_ better at this than _you_ are. I just take a few creative liberties that tend to be misunderstood."

"And get you sent to the principal's office," Susie added.

"Nobody asked you. You'll see. I'll get an A on this paper or my name's not Calvin."

At the end of the ride home, Calvin ran for the door. He yanked it open and yelled, "I'M HOME!"

Hobbes naturally went in for the kill, but Calvin bent over before he could be pounced. He stood up straight again and walked up the stairs. He entered his room.

Suddenly, Hobbes burst through the open window and pounced him. They rolled out of the bedroom, down the stairs and out the door. They crashed where they would've landed if Calvin hadn't have bent over.

"HA!" Hobbes shouted. "You thought you could mess with _me_, did you? Well, I THINK NOT!"

"Get off of me, you big galoot!" Calvin shouted. "Get off and stay off! My day is ruined enough as it is."

"How exactly is it?" asked Hobbes, getting up.

"I have to do the toughest history report by Monday, or I'm gonna flunk big time! I absolutely can not blow this one off."

Hobbes clapped. "Finally, you're showing a little initiative. That's a good thing for you."

"Come on. We're gonna finish this thing as soon as possible. We need Saturday for my extreme water balloon attack. Let's break out the pencils."

They entered the house.

Of course, Mom was there with the third degree. "How was school?"

"Okay," Calvin said, carrying his things towards the stairs.

"Just 'okay'?"

"No, Mom. It was _spectacularly_ okay. A skyrockets-and-brass-bands-playing-John-Philip-Sousa-marches kind of okay that gives wings to the soul!"

"Fine, if you're going to be sarcastic about it…"

"You want sarcastic? Ask me about the cafeteria food."

That was the end of that, and they went up into the bedroom.

Once they were back in Calvin's room, Calvin sat at his desk.

"Okay, I'll need a pen and some paper."

Hobbes dug through the backpack.

"Man, do you know how much junk you have in this thing?"

"What have you found?"

"Old packs of bubble gum, a candy bar, an old soda can, peanut shells, the remnants of an ice cube, wadded up cartoons of Wormwood monsters, month old homework, a stale piece of cheese…"

"Yeah, I'm always losing things in there. Just pull out the binder and hand me the paper. I'm sure I've got a pen up here somewhere."

Hobbes pulled out a big, white binder and opened it. A load of paper fell into the backpack. He reached down and pulled out the least tarnished sheet.

"There's something to be said for closing the rings on the binder," he said.

"Shut up and hand me a book."

Hobbes dug around the backpack, searching for the history book. He pulled out the math, science, spelling and literature, but he could not find the history book.

"Gee, the work load at that school is ridiculous," Hobbes said.

"You're telling me."

After two minutes, Hobbes was finally able to find the book.

"Man, you need to do some excavating in here."

Calvin opened the book and turned to the page about the Byzantine Empire.

"There's only three paragraphs of information in here!" Calvin cried. "I can't write a page-long report about something if they don't give me enough information!"

"Take what you can get out of it, and we'll break out an encyclopedia later."

"Better get the one out of my backpack now so we don't have go through a hectic search later."

Hobbes stuck his head into the backpack and searched it. There were several more books in there, but no sign of an encyclopedia.

"Are you sure there's one in here?"

"I've been putting it in there for months now."

Hobbes dug a little more.

"I'm sorry. I just don't see it in here."

Calvin rolled his eyes and joined him.

"It's gotta be in there somewhere. It's probably near the gym socks."

"Okay, that shouldn't be hard to find. Just follow that smell."

"Which one? The old cheese smell or the old gummi bear smell?"

"I think it should be the Scotland Bagpipes smell."

"Hey, there's that marble I was looking for."

"Is it me, or is there a roll of Mentos in here?"

"I've never seen those before."

"Oh, cool, fifteen cents."

After about half an hour of searching, they had found the encyclopedia.

Calvin just copied everything in there, but he was smart to replace some words with smaller words that you'd expect from a first grader. He put it in his binder and jammed it into his backpack, along with all his other stuff.

"Well, that wasn't so hard," said Calvin. "Now it's dinner time."

At dinner, Calvin looked quite confident.

"How is that history report coming?" asked Mom.

"I'm already finished."

Dad looked up. "Oh really?"

"Yep."

"How well did you do?"

"I did great! It's probably the best thing ever written in pen. I wouldn't be surprised if it were put on display somewhere."

"Well, I'd like to look over it after dinner," said Mom.

"No problem. It's in my backpack."

Mom and Dad got up and started doing a few chores. Calvin, however, hadn't finished his whatever-it-is, so he had to sit there.

As he poked at it with his fork with a bored expression on his face, he noticed it was wiggling. It squirmed closer to him. Calvin scooted back. The green glop started to shift until it stood up like a long pole. It formed a mouth. Calvin covered his head, fearing that it would jump him like last time.

Then the disgusting substance, jumped up and down on the plate. This was a new technique, but Calvin wasn't going to fall for it. He held up a knife just in case.

Then the whole thing jumped up and back flipped into the empty glass. It tipped the glass over and it rolled over onto the fork. Stopping it on the handle, it squirmed out and wriggled over onto the prongs. It jumped them, flinging the glass at Calvin, who ducked. He turned around and watched the glass shatter against the wall.

Then his dinner jumped up and splatted into the back of his head.

"CALVIN!" Mom shouted.

Calvin looked up and saw his mom glaring at him angrily.

"UPSTAIRS! NOW!"

Calvin groaned and walked out of the kitchen. He walked past Dad, who was filling out a few papers.

"I don't want to know, do I?" he asked.

"No, you don't."

Later, Calvin was up in his room. He had gotten the gunk out of his hair, and he was waiting for Mom to come to look over his report.

"Okay, hide the encyclopedia, and we're in business."

Hobbes threw the encyclopedia in the closet and gave him a thumbs-up.

"We're ready!"

Mom entered.

"Okay, let's see this report you're so proud of," she said.

Calvin opened his backpack and started the great dig. He dug through each bag and binder in it, but there was no sign of it.

"I know it's in here somewhere! I spent a whole hour writing it!"

"You didn't do it, did you?" Mom asked bitterly.

"I _did_! Hobbes and I worked really hard on it and—"

"Get to work kid. You can not come out of this room until it's finished."

She left without another word.

Calvin looked frantically at Hobbes. "What are we gonna do?"

"'We'?" Hobbes asked. "_I'm_ not the one who gets grades. This is your problem."

"Oh, come on! You've gotta help me find it! If I don't find it, who knows what'll happen?"

"You'll flunk the first grade and be sent to pre-k. That's what."

"Thanks, Hobbes. Your reassurances work wonders on my soul."

"It's what I'm here for."

It was then they noticed that the whole backpack was beginning to shudder.

"D-d-did you see that?" Calvin stuttered.

"I think that mold in the bottom is alive!"

Calvin looked deeper into the backpack. He spotted something wiggle, and then grab onto a lose sheet of paper.

"Hey, I see the report again! It's being dragged into the backpack!"

Hobbes peered over his shoulder. "I'm befuddled."

"What else is new? Besides your vocabulary."

They peered further down into the backpack.

"There's only one thing to do," Calvin decided, "and don't say start over the report. No one has the kind of time."

"Then what do you propose we do?"

Calvin opened the backpack a little more and began to climb into it. Surprisingly, he was able to push the binders aside and slowly squeezed in.

Hobbes stood there, unable to fully understand what was happening.

"We're going in after it!" He reached out for Hobbes. "Come on!"

Hobbes groaned, and then he followed Calvin in, but with much difficulty. After several grunts and squeezes, he and Calvin had disappeared from view.


	2. The Gym Sock Saga

Now they were tumbling down a swirling vortex. The binders and papers disappeared from view and they screamed and tumbled down a dark tunnel towards who knows where!

Moments later, they tumbled through a hole in a wall, and they stopped suddenly.

"Where are we?" Hobbes demanded.

Calvin searched the area. They were in a dark, round encasement. However, there was some light pouring out of the end of the wall.

"I think I see a way out!" he said.

He gave the area a push, and it popped open like a hatch-door.

They climbed out and let it shut, only to find they had just climbed out of a giant baseball!

"Where are we?" Hobbes asked again.

"I think we're in whole new world!"

They looked around. There was a dirty path just ahead of them. There was also giant trading cards, old gum, notebooks, pencils, a crumpled piece of paper, but what stood out most was the giant dresser that loomed ahead.

"I don't think we're in Kansas anymore," Calvin said.

"We weren't in Kansas to begin with."

"Hello," said a voice.

They looked around and spotted a little sock just below them.

"Um, hi?" Hobbes said unsurely.

"Unbelievable!" said Calvin. "This must be an advanced being, able to take on the form of a dirty gym sock!"

"I _am_ a sock."

Calvin looked disappointed. "Oh."

"What're you doing down here?" Hobbes asked.

"It's a sad situation," the sock said. "Because I've got some mud on me, they won't let me in the drawer over there."

Calvin looked up at the giant dresser. "Are you kidding? How is that a sad situation?"

"Well, I can't be with my matching sock. He's my best friend."

"If that's your problem, I suggest you go to therapy. That's what a normal person does."

"He's not a person. He's a sock," Hobbes reminded him. "To us, that's a silly problem, but to a sock, it might be a huge problem."

Calvin considered this. "I think I get it now. You can't be with the other sock because you're dirty and he's clean."

"That's it. Pretty sad, huh?" said the sock. "You're starting to think like a sock. We clothes get pretty sad when we're not in pairs."

"Hats don't come in pairs," said Hobbes.

"That's why you'll never see a happy hat," the sock replied.

Calvin rolled his eyes. "Yeah, a really big drama scene. Listen, we'd love to stay and discuss fabric softeners, but we've got a problem. We need to find my history report for school on Monday."

"_I've _seen a history report. An old half-eaten cheese sandwich was carrying it, and he wanted to put it on display on the Grubby Corners mall."

"Wow, I'm that good?" Calvin grinned proudly.

"You copied it out of the encyclopedia, remember?" Hobbes said.

"Wait, did you say display it? Aw, man! We need to get it before it's put on display!"

"I'll help you out," said the sock. "But first, you need to get me cleaned and back with my pair."

"I see," Calvin said. "It'll be a tough mission, but one we'll have to deal with!"

"You're in," Hobbes said.

A few minutes later, they found a slightly lit-up sign that read "Grubby Corners".

"This must be the place," Calvin said. "I don't see why anyone would go into a place that looks so horrible."

Indeed, Grubby Corners Mall wasn't exactly something you'd see on the front of a magazine. It was covered in mold and grime, and it looked like it would collapse at any moment.

"To you, it seems like a dump," said the sock. "To us, it's a shopping paradise!"

"Thanks, we'll haul that away," Hobbes said.

They approached the decaying building, only to find a portfolio with a police hat on and a star-shaped badge standing out front.

"Oh my," Calvin said.

They started to enter, but they couldn't get in.

"Hey, what's the big deal?"

"Not so fast kid. You know the rules."

"What rules?" asked Calvin.

"Ignorance of the rules is not excuse, but I'll tell them to you anyway. No shirt, no socks, no shoes, no service. Are you hip to that?"

"Hip?" asked Hobbes.

"But I'm wearing all those things!" Calvin protested.

"Yes, but as for your friend over there…"

"Hey, I'm a tiger. I take great pride in not wearing any clothes."

"That's no excuse, not to mention unhealthy," the portfolio cop said sternly. "The tiger will need clothes in order to get into the mall."

Hobbes noticed a slice of moldy pizza drooped over a handrail.

"Why would I want to go into that place anyway?" he snarled.

"We'll be back," Calvin added, and they left.

Once they were out of earshot, they thought for a moment.

"Call me crazy, but that guy looked like my end-of-year art portfolio," Calvin said.

"Forget that. If we're going to get that report back, _I'm_ gonna need to get shirt, shoes and socks."

"Well, we're off to a good start," said Calvin. "We've got _one_ sock. A dirty sock, but a sock nonetheless. All we need is to clean it and get its matching sock, and then we'll be able to check off the list."

"Then we'll have to hurry!" said the sock.

"Where are we gonna look for a washing machine in a place like this?" Hobbes asked.

A Cheese Chip hopped past and overheard. "There's a washing pond just down the road. Just go over Binder Mountain."

"Not a very creative name for a mountain," Calvin commented.

"You'll understand the name when you see it. It's just down the road over there, and take the fork on the left."

"Thank you," said Hobbes.

"S' right."

The chip hopped away.

"Did we just talk to a giant Cheese Chip?" asked Hobbes.

"I think we did."

They continued down the dirt path, only to find that it didn't matter if they went left. They would've seen the mountain anyway! It looked like a big white binder!

"Oh, the irony!" cried Hobbes.

Calvin looked around. "There must be a way of conveyance around here to get us up there."

"Here's a way over there!" said Hobbes.

They ran over to a spoon.

"We just need to fling ourselves to the top of the mountain."

Calvin got the idea. He picked up some giant raisins and tossed them onto the other end. Then they kicked a pencil off the other end, and they were immediately flung up and into the air.

The three of them crash-landed on the mountaintop, which was strangely gooey.

"It feels like month-old gum," Calvin commented.

They looked around, and spotted the washing machine lake, but it was pretty dry.

"There's the washing-twirling thing," said Hobbes, "but where's the sudsy water?"

"Over there!" said Calvin. "It's being blocked by that junk!"

The canal was indeed jammed by oversized soda cans, banana peels and old shoelaces, not to mention a trading card.

"Momma mia!" cried Hobbes.

"My words exactly," said a voice. It was a green plastic wrench sitting in a grabbing crane.

"Way cool!" said Calvin. "Is that _your_ crane?"

"Well, they let me drive it, but they won't let me take it home at night. The boss has a strict policy that we can't borrow anything that could knock down his house."

"Aww…"

"Shouldn't you be working on clearing that garbage?" asked Hobbes.

"I would, but I can't get the crane working. One of the controls is busted and we lost it. The grabber goes up and down all right, but we can't make it grab anything. Without it, the garbage'll continue to pile, and I'll have twice as much work as this morning."

"We'll have to find something to fix the crane so that we can wash our sock friend over here."

"And so that I can go on my coffee break," added the wrench.

Calvin and Hobbes left in search of something useful, but they must've made a wrong turn, because they wandered towards the edge of the mountain.

"Look down there!" said Calvin. "It's a bunch of old socks! Come on!"

"WAIT!" Hobbes shouted.

But Calvin had already jumped off the mountain. He landed safely and bounced off the old socks.

Hobbes held his stomach and jumped pursuit and the sock followed. They too bounced off the socks and were sent hurtling into some gum. It was there they found something interesting...


	3. Putty, An Ice Cube, & a Great Big Sucker

What Hobbes had found was blocking his eye sight. It was off-blue, and he couldn't see through it, and it was now difficult to breath.

He tried to alert Calvin, but Calvin was busy crawling out of one of the giant socks.

"Are these relatives of yours?" he asked the little gym sock.

"Where's the tiger?"

Calvin looked and saw a great big gelatinous mass was flailing around. "Hobbes, please. Not in front of the sock," he said.

A muffled reply was all that came back.

Calvin rolled his eyes and walked forward. He gave the goo a good yank until it came off.

"Phew!" Hobbes gasped. "Thank you. It is hard to breath through such gloop."

Calvin looked at the sticky stuff. "Look, its Funny Putty!" he cried. "I love this stuff! You can do all kinds of stuff with it! And look! It made a picture of your face!"

Hobbes looked down at the expression he had. "Cool!"

"And this is better than using a camera because you can stretch it and make it funnier!"

Calvin laid out the putty and stretched it out. In no time, Hobbes' eye was where his shoulder was, and he head was bent out of shape.

"I guess Funny Putty truly is the toy with a hundred uses," Hobbes said.

"Hey, look!" said the sock.

Calvin and Hobbes looked up and saw a cave!

"Why does it smell so fruity?" Hobbes asked.

"Let's find out!" said Calvin.

They ran inside, only to find it was lit up with fireflies! Lot's of scented, hardened slimy stuff was coating the entire cave wall.

"Whoa!" Calvin said! "I feel like we're in a school desk!"

"It's so colorful," added Hobbes, looking at the blobby stuff.

"It's bubblegum!" said the sock. "The fireflies enjoy chewing it, so they stay in here chewing it all day to keep it lit!"

Calvin then saw something greenish with a stick sticking out of it.

"Look, a sucker!" he cried.

"A _big_ sucker!" added Hobbes. "It could have a future as a crane lever!"

They ran up to it and gave it a pull. It was stuck on there pretty good.

"Darned gum!" Calvin moaned. "It's stuck!"

Hobbes thought for a moment. "You know, _wet _gum is less sticky."

"So?"

"So we need something like water to loosen it."

"Where do we get that?" Calvin wondered.

They looked down at the sock.

"What?" it asked.

"We need water," Calvin said. "Preferably cold water."

"Definitely cold," agreed Hobbes.

The sock rolled his eyes. "Come with me."

They followed the sock out of the cave and around a corner near the mountain.

Calvin and Hobbes about fell over at what they saw.

"It's a lake!" Calvin cried.

"A _purple_ lake," Hobbes added nervously.

"A _loud_ purple lake."

"A _big_ loud purple lake."

"A big loud purple lake that is coming from the soda can over there."

They saw a giant blue can sitting in the grass, and it was leaking soda.

"This is Soda Pop Lake," said the sock. "It is about a mile long and ten miles wide. It is the best source of caffeine anywhere."

"That would explain the loudness," Calvin admitted. "It's fizzing."

"And look out there!" said Hobbes. "An ice cube!"

"How do we get out there?"

"I dunno," said the sock.

"Then why'd you bring us here?"

"Hey, you didn't say you wanted to _touch_ it!"

Calvin and Hobbes slapped their foreheads.

"Well, this is just brilliant," Hobbes groaned. "Now what do we do?"

"We need a boat, but how do we get one?"

They heard a loud _CRUNCH_ from nearby. They looked and saw a giant Nutcracker eat peanuts. A shell was suddenly tossed towards them.

Calvin got an idea. "Can we borrow that?" he asked.

"Sure," said the Nutcracker in a Scottish accent.

Calvin grabbed it. "Ah, the peanut!" he said. "The misunderstood nut."

"I think _you're _a misunderstood nut," Hobbes said. "What are we gonna do with a giant peanut shell?"

Calvin tossed the shell into the water. He sat down in the front half. He waited for a minute.

"Ahem!" he said.

"What?"

"Get in!"

Hobbes sighed, still not understanding.

"What happens now?" asked the sock.

"Hobbes will now propel us towards the ice cube."

"_Oh_!" Hobbes said. "Here goes the S.S. Peanut now parting the dock on her maiden voyage!" He took an old soda bottle and smacked the ground with it. He took his tail, gave it a yank, and it spun rapidly like a propeller. They shot away from land like a rocket.

"YAAAHOOO!" Calvin shouted.

"WHOOOO!" added Hobbes.

Calvin reached out and managed to grab onto the ice cube. They crashed into the shore and were flung through the air.

"Well," Calvin said. "That could've gone better."

"But we got the ice cube!" Hobbes said. "Now let's get back there before it melts."

"How?" the sock asked.

They looked back and saw they had smashed their peanut shell.

"Look!" said Hobbes.

They looked up.

It was a giant slingshot!

"Get in!" said Hobbes. "I got this one!"

Calvin and the sock, holding the ice cube, got into the rubber part of the giant slingshot.

Hobbes ran over to a half-buried yo-yo, and he yanked the string off. It already had a noose on it. He ran and got onto the slingshot. He lassoed a nearby tree, and reeled them into it.

"DON'T HANG ON!" he shouted.

The rope's grip on the tree loosened, and they were shot from the sling towards a familiar pile of socks.

Calvin and Hobbes and landed first. Calvin caught the sock. Hobbes caught the ice cube.

"Quick!" said Hobbes. "It's almost gone!"

They ran back into Bubble Gum Cave, finding the sucker still where it was.

Hobbes took the ice cube, and he started to rub the ice cube on it. The gum loosened, and then it dissolved. By the time the ice cube had melted, the sucker was loose and Calvin could pull it free!

"I always wondered why I like peanuts," he said.

Hobbes looked at the sucker. "Now that we _have _the sucker, what do we do with it?" he asked.

Calvin had an idea. "Come with me."

They left the cave and stood on the socks.

He grabbed the Funny Putty, and he stretched it. He made a wadded up end, and then he hurled it up the mountain side. It stuck onto the top.

"Come on!" he said. "Start climbing. And bring the sucker."

"Oh, Calvin," Hobbes said teasingly. "You know I'd never leave without you!"

"He meant the other sucker," said the sock.

"Ah."

Calvin rolled his eyes as he started to climb. With the sock on his shoulder, up he went. Hobbes was behind him with the sucker in his mouth.

Soon, they'd made it to the top. They ran back to where the plastic wrench was still sitting in his mobile crane.

"Sir, we'd like to make a proposition for ya!" Calvin said.

He took the sucker from Hobbes' mouth and jammed it into the place where the old piece had broken.

"Whoa," said the wrench. "Nice job."

"Great!" said Calvin. "Now how's about clearing the blockage, huh?"

The wrench looked at his watch. "Actually, it's time for my coffee break."

Calvin's face fell. "What?"

The wrench left the crane and disappeared.

"What kind of construction worker are you!" Calvin shouted. "This poor little sock needs to be cleaned, and you're the only one with the ability to do it! Get back here, you mook! By golly, if _I_ were on this job, I'd—"

Calvin then stopped for a moment. What if he _did_ do this job? He ran to the cab of the crane and saw that the key was still in the ignition.

"Hobbes, I lifelong dream of mine has finally come true!" he said.

"Should we be worried?" asked the sock.

"I think so."

Calvin put on a yellow hardhat and jumped behind the controls. He used the sucker to open and close the claw, which grabbed onto old napkins, pink erasers, pencil lead, dead batteries, an apple core, two banana peels, and an old slice of pizza, a shoelace, a breath mint and a nickel.

After fifteen minutes, Calvin had cleared about everything, and the sudsy water could pour in.

"Momma Mia!" Hobbes said in fake Italian. "That's a sudsy water patch there."

"Whatever," said Calvin. "Okay, sock. This is where you get that clean you've whining about."

"Right!" said the sock. "BANZAI!"

The sock sprang into the lake. The big spinning thing was moving fast. The dirt came off the sock. It jumped up and down. It dove and swam.

After a minute, it jumped back out and next to Calvin and Hobbes.

"Clean, at last!" he cried.

"All right!" said Hobbes. "Let's get you back with your friend, and we can check socks off our list."

It took a while, but they finally made it to the dresser. It was a crazy adventure that involved a lion, a witch and a wardrobe, but we don't have time to get into that.

"Here we are!" said Calvin. "The dresser."

They knocked on the sock drawer, which slid open.

"Yes?" asked a voice.

"My sock friend!" the sock shouted.

Another sock, exactly identical to the first, popped out. We'll call her Sock 2.

"You're back!" she cried.

"I am!" said Sock 1.

They hugged. They danced. They made fools of themselves in front of our two heroes.

Hobbes sniffed and wiped his eyes with his tail.

"What are you crying about?" Calvin asked.

"Little moments like this," Hobbes sighed. "They make the job all worthwhile."

They watched the happy socks jumping up and down and dancing.

"Do you want to dance?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin paused for a moment to give Hobbes a strange look before finally saying, "Yeah, why not?"

They put on some sunglasses and started to boogie.

After they finished, Calvin and Hobbes worked a deal with the socks. In payment for reuniting them, they had to be Hobbes' socks for the Grubby Corners Mall security guard. They agreed, so they only had two more things to get…


	4. The Shoetree

As they walked through the forest, Calvin and Hobbes noticed something sitting in a tree.

"Check it out!" laughed Calvin. "It's a _shoe_ tree!"

Indeed, several shoes of all types were sitting on branches of the tree.

Then Hobbes noticed something else. "Look over there! It's a shoe horn!"

There was a giant brass horn sitting nearby.

"That's the only way to get the shoes down from the tree," said Sock 2.

"Hey, maybe a pair of those shoes could be _your_ shoes," said Calvin.

"Let's give it a try."

Calvin ran over to the shoe horn and blew into it. It didn't make much noise.

"Yuck!" Calvin yelled. "That tasted horrible."

Hobbes looked into the bigger end. "It's filled with mold and stuff. I guess no one's wanted to see the flying shoes lately."

"How are we gonna get rid of the grimy stuff?" asked Calvin.

"We know someone!" said Sock 1.

"Come with us!" yelled Sock 2.

They all ran off and towards what appeared to be a mountain of a dresser.

"Let me guess, this is Pants Prominence?" asked Calvin.

"How'd you guess?"

Calvin and Hobbes rolled their eyes.

The drawers were each pulled out a bit like stairs, so it was easy climbing, although it would've been easier if the drawers were smaller.

* * *

About half an hour later, they'd made it all the way to the top.

"Has anyone considered putting in an elevator?" Calvin wheezed.

Hobbes didn't say anything. He was too shocked that there was something on top of this place.

"Is it me, or is that a giant fish tank?" he asked.

Calvin looked up and gasped. There really _was_ a giant fish tank!

"What's this thing doing here?" Calvin asked.

"We don't know," said Sock 2. "It's just always sorta been here."

"So where's this person that can get rid of moldy grime and grimy mold?" Hobbes asked.

"It's not a person per say," said Sock 1. He pointed into the tank. They all looked at a blobby, bluish creature that sat on the floor.

"Hello there," said the creature.

"Are you a sponge?" Calvin dared to ask.

"Yes, I am!"

"He looks kinda squishy," said Hobbes.

"That's because I'm a sponge!"

"We know," said Calvin.

"Wow, you're a bright boy!"

Calvin and Hobbes sighed. Another idiot.

"Sponge, we need you to help us clean the mold out of a shoehorn," said Sock 1. "Any chance you could come and do it?"

"You bet! I love the taste of mold and grime! It tastes like—"

"I DON'T WANNA KNOW!" Calvin shouted, holding up his hands.

"Okay. Come and get me!"

Hobbes found a toy fire truck next to the tank, so he put the ladder up higher and they climbed up alongside.

Calvin dove into the tank, but he couldn't see anything due to the bad water. He swam back to the tank wall.

"The water's too deep for me," he said. "We need someone else to get Sponge up here."

Then Hobbes saw what appeared to be a cord sticking out of the water. Upon further inspection, he saw that it was tangled up. He gave it a good yank, and it all came loose, revealing it to be an air pipe for a scuba diver!

The diver swam to the top and opened his helmet. "Ah, thank you!" he said in a thick French accent. "I have been trying to loosen that tube for a full day!"

"You scuba dive in a fish tank?" Calvin asked.

"But of course! It is a good place to find the scurry creatures of the deep. Why just last week, I discovered the rare Tank Guppy."

"If you just discovered it, then how do you know it's rare?" Hobbes asked.

"Have you ever seen it before?"

"No."

"Well, there you go!"

"Listen, I hate to interrupt," Calvin said, "but we need that sponge down there to eat the mold out of a shoehorn for us."

"But of course!"

The scuba diver dove down and managed to get Sponge and bring him to the top.

"Oh boy!" said Sponge, jumping to the ground. "Mold, here I come!"

Calvin felt his stomach jump in disgust.

* * *

Once they had climbed down the mountain (dresser), they returned to the shoetree.

"Okay, here's the horn," said Hobbes. "Eat up."

Sponge looked at the giant shoehorn. "Where's the mold?"

"_There's_ the mold," Calvin said.

"In the horn?"

"In the horn."

"Is it all for me?"

Calvin was tempted to kill this thing right now.

"Who else would eat it?" he mumbled angrily.

Sponge's mouth popped open. "OH BOY!" He jumped into the mouthpiece and started to slurp up the mold.

Calvin and Hobbes held their stomachs. The two socks just chuckled.

"He loves his mold," said Sock 1.

"Good and he's welcome to it," Hobbes sighed.

About a minute later, Sponge came out of the horn and then started to rub all over the outside, shining it. Then he fell off and sat before them proudly.

Calvin and Hobbes stared. This sponge was about as big as their fist. The shoehorn was five times his size.

"Did you eat _all_ the mold?" Calvin asked.

"Mold all gone!" Sponge said. "I can't believe I ate the whole thing! I'd better lie down."

He hopped away to sleep for a while in the grass.

"Let's just pretend we couldn't get him to stay with his and he went astray," Calvin said.

"Agreed," said Hobbes.

"Now let's get some shoes," said Sock 2.

Hobbes ran over to the shoehorn and blew into it. There was a noise that echoes everywhere, shaking the ground. This shook the shoetree, and the shoes all flew out. Calvin picked up a net and managed to catch a pair of sneakers.

"Just the shoes for you, Hobbes," he joked.

"They seem to like us," said Sock 2.

"Wow, it's amazing that something could like Calvin the instant it saw him," Hobbes said.

"Whatever. Let's get going. You need a shirt, and I need my report back!"


	5. The Old Sweater Lady

_**Author's Note: **I apologize for the extreme delay with this chapter. I'd had the plot in mind already, but it was actually writing it that was difficult. Also, I had other stories to work on, and so now I have time for this. I hope you enjoy the three new characters.

* * *

_

The search for a shirt had been a long and tiring one.

Calvin and Hobbes searched far and wide.

They thought they'd try their luck searching around Binder Mountain again.

Hobbes pushed some brush away (or wadded up paper) and found a ladder made of paper had been formed at the bottom.

"Hey, check this out!" he shouted.

Calvin and the two socks and the two shoes joined him at the edge.

"It looks like there's old clothes down there," he commented. "Maybe we'll find a shirt."

They left the other clothes at the ledge, and Calvin and Hobbes scrambled down.

"Look at that!" said Calvin. "That sweater in the rocking chair looks a lot like the one Grandma gave me for Christmas!"

"I always wondered what you did with that thing," Hobbes commented.

Calvin and Hobbes approached the elderly red sweater. She was knitting in her chair, and a bunch of deformed clothes hung around in the branches.

"Hello," Calvin said. "I'm Calvin, and this is Hobbes."

The sweater looked up.

"Well, aren't you a nice young man?" she cooed.

"Yee don't know he very well, do yee?" Hobbes commented.

Calvin growled at him.

"Well, I'm Grandma Sweater. I'm just about done with this issue of _Knitting Weekly_," the elderly sweater said. "You can have it when I'm done."

"That's okay, I don't need it," said Calvin. "We don't knit."

"You don't? Well, that's a shame. In the good ol' days, everyone knitted."

Calvin squinted his eyes in confusion.

Hobbes arched any eyebrow.

Which good ol' days were they?

"I wish we _could_ knit," said Hobbes. "I am in desperate need of a shirt."

"Well, I could knit a shirt for you," said Grandma Sweater. "All I need is some yarn."

Calvin looked at all the deformed clothes she had obviously done herself. Sweat pants were uneven, sweaters had sleeves in the neck, and scarves were either a mile long or an inch short.

"Um, I dunno…," he said.

"We'll find some yarn," said Hobbes quickly.

"Good," said Grandma Sweater. "Just bring me any kind of yarn."

Calvin and Hobbes climbed out of the pit. They gave the shoes and socks orders to wait for them, and then they continued off to find some yarn.

"What are we gonna do?" Calvin demanded. "That old nag can't _possibly _knit! Did you see those clothes?"

"Um…they weren't _too_ bad," Hobbes said uneasily.

"Hobbes…they had _eyes_."

"Okay, fine, they were practically mutants. But I don't have a lot of options. It's either her, or we have to make our own."

"At least one _we_ made wouldn't have _eyes_."

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes started their search, and it wasn't long before they were on a farm. 

"DAGNABBIT!" they heard someone shout in a southwestern drawl.

"Did you hear that?" Calvin asked.

They peeked over the rocks and saw that a giant green eraser wearing overalls was chasing down a bunch of fuzz balls.

"Blasted dust bunnies won't stay still long enough for me to catch 'em," he commented.

Calvin and Hobbes approached.

"Hey, what's up?" Calvin asked.

"Not much," said the eraser. "Howdy. I'm the Happy Farmer."

"Not very creative," Hobbes muttered.

"Nice day, huh?" Happy Farmer continued. "Some days it rains. I like those days too. I have to put off work for a while when that happens. And then of course it's good for the crops. I grow spaghetti and breadsticks. I don't have much space, but that's okay too. It doesn't take much to grow spaghetti. Only a mile long and an inch wide. The best part is it doesn't take long to plough the field. But lately I've been herding these here bunnies."

"These are bunnies?" asked Hobbes.

"Dust bunnies to be exact. They're fun to raise, and they raise me a fine profit. It's my job to sheer their wool once a week and sell the wool. That is, if I ever catch them."

Calvin sighed. He didn't like people who were too happy.

"Well, for a cut of the dough, I'll give you a hand," he decided.

"How's that?" asked Happy Farmer.

Calvin pulled that old yo-yo string out of his pocket from the slingshot incident.

"We'll use this to lasso them. If we can get _one_ bunny to move towards the sheering shed, then we'll use him as bait to lure the other bunnies after him."

Hobbes and Happy Farmer moved aside.

Calvin took the looped end of the yo-yo string and watched a round dust ball rolling around.

_Here's the intrepid Spaceman Spiff, here on an alien planet. His mission: capture an alien creature and get it to the ship. Then he is to take it to Earth for decontamination and study._

Calvin's eye twitched as he advanced.

"Uh-oh," Hobbes muttered.

The dust bunny advanced.

_The alien advances. Our hero springs into action!_

Calvin whipped out his lasso and prepared to grab the bunny.

_Spiff whips out his tractor beam gun and aims it at the round alien._

Calvin tossed the rope into the air and lassoed the dust bunny.

"Hey, he caught it!" cheered Hobbes.

"Much obliged there, Calvin," said Happy Farmer. "And looky here: all the other bunnies are followin'!"

"Must have lassoed a mean bunny."

_The alien is in Spiff's clutches! And as luck would have it, it's their leader! All the others are following, and are now heading for the ship._

_Suddenly, right out of nowhere, a giant creature comes along and snatches the alien right out of the gun's grasp!_

Happy Farmer grabbed the dust bunny and untied it. He took out the razors and proceeded with the shaving.

_The creature takes out a strange device and starts to remove the outer shell of the alien. It is revealed that under the round exterior was merely a tiny, pathetic creature!_

Hobbes stared at the bunnies as they were shaved. They had gone from soft and round to a pair of eyes and two feet.

"Whoa, they're so small underneath all the wool," he commented.

"Yup," said Happy Farmer.

After the last one was done, all the wool was put down a chute. A lever was pulled, and out of a slot poured out bundles of yarn!

Calvin managed to free himself from the fantasy, and he saw a pile of yarn.

Hobbes felt it.

"Wow, it's still warm!" he said.

"That's dust bunny yarn for ya," said Happy Farmer.

Calvin stepped forward. "Now for _our_ part of the dough, please," he said.

"Oh, right. Here."

Calvin grinned a huge grin. He put his open hands out.

Happy Farmer placed in them…a bundle of yarn.

"Hey, I wanted money!" he shouted. "You know: your _profit_!"

"This _is_ the profit," said Happy Farmer. "My profit is that I get free yarn to have clothes made!"

Calvin muttered something unkind while Hobbes chuckled.

"It's just what we needed," he said. "Come on, Cal."

Hobbes started to trudge back up the mountain, and a very angry Calvin followed.

_The creature kept the alien, and all it left me with was an outer shell as a souvenir. Our hero now returns to the ship to grumble at the big loss.

* * *

_

It wasn't long before they were back at Grandma Sweater's rocking chair.

"We got some yarn," said Hobbes.

"Its bunny yarn!" added Calvin.

Grandma Sweater looked it over.

"Ooh, perfect! And it's still warm! It's soft and silky and it knits real fast! I'll knit a shirt for you in know time, young tiger."

Calvin and Hobbes simply smiled nervously as they looked at her last "works of art".

Grandma Sweater was right. It did indeed knit real fast. But after her few minutes of knitting, the finished result was horrid. It had five arms, no place for a head, and, of course, it had eyes.

"Try it on," she said.

Hobbes stared.

"How?" he demanded.

Grandmas Sweater sighed. "I guess I should have left at least _one_ neck hole."

"Yeah, no kidding," Calvin muttered.

Hobbes shoved him.

"Still," Calvin went on quickly. "It's a very nice…shirt, is it?"

"If I had a pattern to work from, I could make your friend a very nice shirt," Grandma Sweater said.

"Does it have to be a certain kind of pattern?" Hobbes asked.

"No, it only has to show your exact size and shape."

"I see."

Calvin grinned.

"I think I may have something like that with me."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a floppy blue substance that resembled gum.

It was the Funny Putty that Hobbes had landed in. It still had his shape in it.

"Will this work?" Calvin asked.

"Oh my! It's perfect!" said Grandma Sweater. "It's every bit as handsome as Hobbes!"

Hobbes chuckled modestly.

"Shut up!" Calvin ordered. "That's just granny-love."

Grandmas Sweater put the Funny Putty on her lap, and then she started to knit over it.

After a few minutes, she held up a shirt that was black with orange spots on it.

"How's this one?" she asked.

Hobbes stared happily.

"It's perfect! It's magnificent!" he cheered.

A pair of eyes sprouted around the neck hole.

"Hello!" said the shirt.

"It's…talking," Calvin said plainly.

"You're a perfect fit for me, and vice-versa!"

"It's a suck up," Calvin added.

"You look pretty comfy without clothes right now, Hobbes," said the shirt. "Why don't you save me for later?"

"And it's a respectful, too!" Hobbes grinned. "Thanks, Grandma Sweater."

"Any time," the old sweater grinned.

The shirt joined the team.

"We did it!" crowed Calvin. "We got all the things we need to get you inside!"

"Yeah!" said Hobbes. "Now let's go get that worthless report back!"

Calvin glared at him, and the team set off for the Grubby Corner Mall to pay a certain security guard a little visit…


	6. Grubby Corners Mall

The portfolio was standing outside the Grubby Corners Mall entrance.

Calvin, Hobbes, Sock 1, Sock 2, Shirt and the shoes were hiding behind the bushes, watching him.

"Okay, team," said Calvin. "Let's take our positions."

Hobbes flung his body out, and then the shoes jumped onto his feet, and the Shirt slipped over his torso.

"Where do _we_ go?" asked Sock 1.

"Well…," Calvin said.

Minutes later, Calvin came forward, and Hobbes followed.

The security guard / portfolio jumped in front.

It looked a little weird.

"Hold it right there, punk!" he said. "You should be hip to the rules right now. You need a shirt, some shoes and socks to enter; your friend does."

Hobbes approached slyly.

"Oh, I do believe that I _am_ within the legal limits," he said.

"Oh, really?" sneered the guard. "Let's see your shirt."

Hobbes pointed at the orange shirt with black spots on it.

"Okay, now let's see your shoes."

Hobbes stepped up on the steps and revealed his feet, which had a pair of blue sneakers on.

"Mmm-hmmm," said the guard. "And socks?"

Hobbes pulled one paw out from behind his back. Sock 1 was on it.

"Good evening, officer," he said.

Hobbes pulled the other paw out from behind. Sock 2 was on that one.

"Nice day to shop, isn't it?" she said.

Calvin and Hobbes grinned smugly.

The officer looked Hobbes over.

"Hmm, well, even though you are not wearing the socks properly, I suppose you check out," he said at last.

"Really? Great!" Calvin cheered. "Come on, Hobbes! We have a report to save!"

"Right!"

"Good day, gentlemen," said the guard. "Just be sure to abide the rules from now on."

"Whatever," they chimed, and they burst through the doors of the Grubby Corners Mall.

* * *

After spinning through the revolving door several times, all the clothes flew off of Hobbes, and they emerged into the huge and slightly smelly mall.

"Cool!" cried Calvin. "We made it!"

The shirt, socks and sneakers crawled out from the door.

"Glad we could help," said Sock 1 sarcastically.

"Huh? Oh right, thanks for the help."

"Sure," said Shirt.

"Well, we're going to shop for odor eaters," said Sock 2. "We'll see you guys around."

The clothes all went their separate ways.

"Freeloaders," Calvin muttered.

Hobbes looked around the mall.

"Look, there's a sign over there!" he exclaimed.

Calvin looked at the sign on the wall.

"Dr Grime is signing autographs today," he read. "Hey, I know that guy! He was Captain Napalm's very first enemy from the comic _JUSTICE BEFORE CLEANLINESS_."

"Yeah, I already know about all that jazz," said Hobbes. "But look at the other sign next to it."

Calvin looked a little more to the right.

"New story about the Byzantine Empire, written by our city's founder, Calvin," he read. "Now on display in the north wing."

Hobbes looked at a map of the mall.

"Okay, according to this thing, we are in the east wing, so we need to just go around the corner over there and then hang a left, and then we'll be able to snatch it," Hobbes said.

"Great! Let's go get it!" said Calvin.

But when they went to the corner where they could get to the north wing, they found a line of strange objects that all had eyes.

"Hold it right there!" shouted a voice.

Calvin and Hobbes looked over…

Aw, jeez.

There was a traffic cone wearing a police cap.

"Oy," Hobbes moaned. "Not another one."

"What now?" Calvin demanded. "We followed the dress code!"

"That's not the violation!" said the cone. "This is the line to the Dr Grime signings. No cuttsies."

"Huh?" asked Calvin. "But we're not here to see Dr Grime. We're here to get…I mean, _see_ the Byzantine Empire paper."

"Yeah, nice try," sneered the cone. "It's not on display yet. So get to the back of the line."

Calvin growled at her. This was _so_ getting old.

Calvin and Hobbes turned and went back.

"What do we do now?" asked Hobbes.

"Let's look at the facts, Hobbes," Calvin said. "We can't get past the security guard because there is a line to see a super villain sign autographs, but on the plus side, the report hasn't been put on display yet, meaning that we can get it back without having to go into a glass-cutting scene."

"Well, while we're here, can I get some nachos?"

Hobbes was pointing at a greasy old restaurant that smelled really good right now.

"Yeah, sure, go ahead," Calvin sighed.

Hobbes ran over to the restaurant, and he pushed against the turnstile.

The little number went from twenty-nine to thirty.

Suddenly, there was an explosion, and streamers shot up, scaring Hobbes half to death.

"IT'S AN AIR RAID!" he screamed, jumping in the air.

His fur stood up, his tail poofed up and his claws shot out.

Suddenly, a spatula wearing a small hat came out from behind the counter.

"Congratulations!" he said. "You are the official thirtieth customer to Leavin' and Squeezin'!"

Hobbes calmed down, but he looked a bit confused.

"Leavin' and Squeezin'?" he asked.

"Yes, and as our official thirtieth customer, you win _this_!"

The Frycook handed Hobbes a small piece of paper.

There was brief pause.

Hobbes looked back at Calvin, who simply shrugged in response.

"Ummm… What is this?" he finally asked.

"It's a free pass to that can be used anywhere in the mall! You can do anything for free!"

Calvin and Hobbes lit up.

"For real?" Calvin asked. "Don't toy with us. The last time we had to get through a door, it took us several chapters."

"It's for real, kid," he said. "And for free, a complimentary box of extra-cheesy nachos."

"Sweet!" said Hobbes, grabbing the box.

Calvin took the pass.

"Come on! Let's go!"

Hobbes nodded, and they went through the turnstile.

But he bumped the box, and some melted cheese splashed out and splattered all over them.

"Whoops," said Hobbes.

"Don't worry; it's just a little cheese," said Calvin.

Little did he know that a little cheese could cause a great deal of trouble.

They approached the security cone.

"Here! We have a pass!" Calvin shouted.

The cone observed it.

"Very good," she said. "You may pass."

"YES!" Calvin shouted. "It's nearly over!"

Calvin and Hobbes scurried past the guard and towards the front of the line. They planned to go further and hang a left, but an old giant milk carton jumped in front of them.

"Hey!" he shouted. "It's Dr Grime! And he brought his sidekick, Nurse Grime!"

"Huh?" asked Calvin.

Several living objects, all dirty and dented, started surrounding them.

Uh-oh.

"Dr Grime!"

"Sign my stick!"

"Nurse Grime, sign my candy wrapper!"

"I have a napkin for you to sign!"

"I love you guys!"

Calvin and Hobbes backed up against the wall.

"We're not Dr and Nurse Grime!" Calvin shouted.

"I'm insulted! _Nurse_ Grime!" Hobbes added.

But no one was convinced. They surrounded.

Calvin groaned and rolled his eyes…and his eyes picked up something interesting.

It was a mirror. And he saw just how much cheese he and Hobbes had gotten on themselves.

"Look at how dirty we are!" he cried.

Hobbes gasped. "We're almost as dirty as Dr Grime!" he wailed.

"SIGN OUR STUFF!" the kids shouted.

"HELP!" Calvin and Hobbes shouted.

Then Calvin saw an open door.

He grabbed Hobbes and they ducked inside, slamming the door.

Hobbes then shoved a giant chair in front, and the door couldn't be opened.

"Phew!" said Calvin. "That was close."

Then they saw something in the corner…


	7. The Way Out

"MY REPORT!" Calvin cheered. "It's here! I'm saved! We can leave now!"

He went to grab it, but he screeched to a halt.

"Wait! We're covered in cheese! If we touch it, we'll get it all cheesy, and then it'll be ruined!"

"Well, what do we do about it?" asked Hobbes. "Sue Leavin' and Squeezin' for putting us in this predicament?"

"Later. For now, let's get ourselves cleaned," Calvin said decidedly.

"How?"

"Search the room! Maybe there's something in here like a sink or something where we can wash off!"

But the search for a source of water was hopeless. There wasn't even a sponge!

"Well, this is just perfect," Hobbes muttered. "What'll we do now?"

Calvin looked around still. It was then that he looked at the ceiling.

"Hey! A fire sprinkler! We can use that to clean us off!"

"Wouldn't we need a fire first?" Hobbes asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, in order to turn it on, I assume we'll need something really hot to turn it on. Then it'll rain on us and we'll be cleaned."

Calvin racked his brain, thinking of a plan.

It was then that there was a knock at the door.

"WILL YOU CRAZY KIDS GO AWAY?" Calvin shouted angrily. "I'm _not_ Dr Grime!"

"And I'm not Nurse Grime," Hobbes added.

"Actually," said a squeaky voice, "I'm from Leavin' and Squeezin', and I'm here to do the meal rounds. I'll slip the menu under the door for you."

A small piece of paper slipped underneath the door.

Calvin ignored it, but Hobbes was hungry and decided to give it a look-see.

"Hmph," he said. "Not much of a menu. All they have on here is hot cocoa, cold string beans, cheddar cheese and orange juice."

"Leavin' and Squeezin' does it again," Calvin muttered.

Hobbes sighed. "But I'm pretty hungry. I didn't get to finish my free nachos, so I'll get some hot cocoa. Do you want anything?"

"Nah, I'm good."

"Okay."

Hobbes extended a claw and poked a hole in through the check box next to the words "hot cocoa". He slipped it back under the door.

They spent a half hour in the room.

Calvin spent it thinking of how to turn on the sprinklers.

Hobbes spent it waiting for his hot cocoa.

There was a knock at the door.

"Who is it now!" Calvin shouted.

"Leavin' and Squeezin' with your free hot cocoa," said the squeaky voice.

Hobbes jumped up and opened the door a crack, and a hand slipped him the mug of hot cocoa.

"Thanks, Mac," he said, and he quickly shut the door before the crazy kids got in.

Hobbes took a small sip from the cup.

"Ooh!" he said. "This stuff's _hot_! Really lives up to its name!"

Calvin's head whipped around.

"Hey, that's it!" he cried. "If we hold the hot cocoa up to the sprinklers, it'll turn on!"

Hobbes looked disappointed.

"Well, can you let me drink half?"

Calvin grumbled.

"Oh, fine, you big baby."

Hobbes took a long sip from the cup.

Calvin stood there, waiting.

"Hurry up!"

Hobbes sipped slower deliberately.

"You mangy furball! My academic future is at stake!"

Hobbes finished half.

"It's always been at stake. We're just talking about your history grade," he said.

"Whatever! It's still a very risky situation."

"Well, here' s the cocoa."

He handed Calvin the mug.

"Okay, but first, put this comic book slipcover over the report so it won't get wet."

Hobbes did so.

Calvin looked at the high ceiling. There was no way neither he nor Hobbes could jump that high. Then he saw an air duct was next to it, and then he saw one next the desk in the room.

"I'll climb through the ducts and hold it up to the sprinkler," he said.

Hobbes quickly ripped the cover off of the air duct on the floor, and Calvin, the mug in hand, traveled along.

"I hope that cocoa's still hot by the time he gets up there," he muttered.

There was a lot of banging around in the ducts, but fortunately, Calvin didn't spill a drop of cocoa.

Overhead, Calvin banged as hard as he could into the cover for the tunnel, and it fell to the floor. He stuck his head out.

"Here goes," he said.

Calvin held the mug upside down so that he could put the mouth of it over the sprinklers.

The heat from the cocoa triggered the little mechanisms in the sprinklers, and they turned on.

Water poured from the ceiling!

Calvin fell from the air duct and landed in the chair.

"VICTORY!" he cheered.

"WE'RE CLEAN!" added Hobbes.

Indeed, the cheese was starting to slip off.

However, they activated _all_ the sprinklers, and this caused the entire Grubby Corners Mall to flood!

All the crazy kids outside the door stopped shouting, and they all looked up.

"It's raining!" they shouted.

"I'm getting clean!"

"Me too!"

"I feel squeaky!'

Taking advantage of the distraction, Calvin and Hobbes grabbed the report and burst through the door, down the hall and out of the mall.

But the cone cop had seen them.

"STOP!" she shouted. "THEY'VE STOLEN THE NEW WRITING PIECE!"

Several portfolios and traffic cones burst from the security office and took off after the boy and tiger.

"QUICK!" Calvin shouted. "We need to get back to that baseball we showed up in!"

The end of the road was coming on fast. The baseball was waiting for them.

"HURRY!" Hobbes shrieked.

"GET THEM!" shouted the security guards.

Calvin and Hobbes looked back at all the mad folders and cones.

Hobbes ripped the baseball open. Calvin dove in, the report in his hands. Hobbes dove in after him, slamming the baseball shut and locking it.

There was a lot of shouting outside, but it died down suddenly as they were sucked back into the vortex that had brought them here to begin with.

* * *

After a few seconds of travel and tumbles, Calvin climbed out of the backpack with the report in his hand.

"AT LAST!" he cheered. "WE DID IT!"

"Help!" shouted Hobbes. "I'm stuck!"

Calvin grabbed the backpack and held it upside down, and then proceeded to shake it violently until Hobbes poured out in a heap on the floor.

"We made it!" he cheered.

"Indeed," said Hobbes, his face in the floor.

Just then, they heard a knock on the door.

Mom entered.

"Calvin, it's been half an hour. How's that report coming?" she asked.

Calvin looked at Hobbes in surprise. He checked his watch. Only half an hour? It felt longer.

Oh well.

Calvin handed her a piece of paper. "Here's the report. It was lost in my backpack the whole time."

Mom looked at the report. "How could you loose this in your backpack?" she asked.

Calvin sighed and held up his backpack, and like before, he held it upside down, and proceeded in shaking it.

The following items fell out: socks, shoes, shirt, sweater, Old packs of bubble gum, a candy bar, an old soda can, peanut shells, the remnants of an ice cube, wadded up cartoons of Wormwood monsters, month old homework, a stale piece of cheese, a baseball, a marble, Mentos, fifteen cents, a binder, an old half-eaten cheese sandwich, a portfolio, a cheese chip, raisins, a spoon, a trading card, yo-yo string, the yo-yo, a slingshot, a green plastic wrench, a toy crane, a bunch of old socks, Funny Putty, a sucker, spilled soda, a nutcracker, old napkins, pink erasers, pencil lead, dead batteries, an apple core, two banana peels, an old slice of pizza, a shoelace, a breath mint, a nickel, two pairs of sunglasses, a shoetree, a shoehorn, a sponge, a toy diver, _Knitting Weekly_ magazine, a green eraser, fuzz, a traffic cone, a spatula, an empty box of nachos, cheese, a mug and a milk carton.

_PHEW!_

Mom stared at the pile of garbage before her.

"Okay, it makes sense."

* * *

On Monday, Hobbes stood outside the house, waiting for Calvin to come home from school.

Calvin got off the bus when it came.

"Hey, how'd it go?"

"Eh, not bad," he said. "I got a grade."

"Did you pass?"

"Sort of."

Hobbes stared at him.

"What qualifies as 'sort of'?"

Calvin ripped out the paper.

"A C!" he cheered.

"Cool! Does this mean you pass history?"

"You bet! Now all I have to do is pass math, science, English, phys ed, and art, and then I can go to second grade!"

They both looked at each other nervously.

"Um…should we start on that homework now?" asked Hobbes.

"Well, not _right_ now," Calvin said quickly.

"Okay."

"Now let's go for a little ride in the wagon."

"Good idea."

They hopped into the wagon and roared off into the woods.

But they had left the backpack on the front steps.

A pair looked outside.

Huh boy…

_**THE END…?**_


End file.
